“The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd – The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.”
― Fernando Pessoa
We don’t always have the courage to speak up, and when we do, we might express not what we feel but what it hurts. We need something for sealed lips and for the words that struggle in the thoughts. An undo button for the sharp words, to retract what didn’t come out good. Some extra credit for that phone call to apologize might be a good investment trade. A strong eraser for the tattoos that hold names imprinted on the skin that served once as a guided map. Extra time for those who were in hurry and missed the plane or train. A great mixture to dissolve the miss opportunities that could change a whole course in someone’s life. We need a new invention to clear all regrets.
We are afraid that we will miss the opportunity to hear the apologies we deserve. We overcome terrible situations and we are grateful that we survived in hard times. We get over others to reach the dreams and elbowing the way up to the top. We are selfish and we are proud to hit the goals or make it out. We leave behind people that cared for us, helped, and stand for good when everything collapses as tower cards. Regrets are slowly growing as insidious cancer, and only makes the entrance in the final stages. Is unequivocal and cuts with sharp edges what is left unfolded. We might be dead when someone would receive the sad call to be announced that ” we regret to inform you that…”.
The mind does not keep tracking the time, but the body does. We are aging quickly and we don’t realize how fast the wrinkles mark the smile and how the hair starts shading grey. When we are young whatever doesn’t serve us at the moment just pushes them in the closet and pretend are lost. But it comes one day when we can only wear the ones we pushed aside and toss it on the shelves. The mirror shows that we can’t hide them anymore, and what is lost in mind, we have to get them out. Regrets from all the times when busy with the dreams, ignored moments, and the people who offered us some love. The wheel is stuck and doesn’t move, the time is stubborn and doesn’t change at all. Nothing seems to help us when with an empty hand we have to carry on the disappointments and the regrets.
Regrets…too many for someone who has the fear of rejection. We might get hurt and suffer in silence when no one sees. With tears dripping on the pillow, biting from the corner of the fabric with disappointment in the heart. It’s a betrayal or misunderstanding, we’ll never know because we never asked. She said her truth, she made it blunt, she took her heart and left you behind. She was angry and she maybe felt insecure, and probably she still regrets the words she used to say it straight. We would regret that never went after her and ask her one more time, what did she mean to say behind her stabbing words. We get things wrong because we pour them from our filter of perception, and sometimes feelings have a mysterious way to be expressed. When agonizing words are said usually comes from hurt souls that don’t know other ways to just protect their hearts. Don’t make your judging volatile and try to understand, because once the chapter is done and close, what’s left behind, are just regrets.
“The only calibration that counts is how much heart people invest, how much they ignore their fears of being hurt or caught out or humiliated. And the only thing people regret is that they didn’t live boldly enough, that they didn’t invest enough heart, didn’t love enough. Nothing else really counts at all.”
― Ted Hughes
I welcome you to follow the tale of that young lady who learned that a life with regrets is not a great way to live and she decided to take the chances she had and make them beautiful memories…
….continue reading the rest of the tale in PART 23