I feel how slowly I go out like a candle, I lose my radiance and become part of the darkness. There is nothing beautiful here, no love, no light, only beautiful dreams that will never be true. Try not to go out too, because when you get in the dark, nothing can get you out of that state where nothing satisfies you, everything is dull, cruel, and cold. Drops of blue blood flow on the icy walls that surround me and gloomy faces line up in front of my eyes. Curious, through all these sad girls, I saw myself, and I saw even you, you who seem carefree and satisfied with everything and very happy. These isolated rooms in the depths of the soul are always full of blue tears. Here is a silver vessel, the traces of sadness are deposited daily. To come here you don’t need a passport or other things, you wake up without wanting to and sometimes you refuse to leave. Someone was calling me out, a ray of sunshine was stretching through the dense darkness that surrounded me, but I hid even harder in the night and did not answer the call. And he came a second time and called me again but I still didn’t come out. And he didn’t come anymore. I waited for him for a long time, I wanted to go out, but I didn’t have for whom. No one was waiting for me outside and I would have woken up alone in the middle of a dessert. I would not have endured such a glow from the sun shining in the eyes of so many passers-by with unknown and inquisitive faces, bringing intrigue. No, I certainly wouldn’t have resisted, so I was left alone in the night, gathering blue tears.

“The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.”
― Chuck Palahniuk

As I gathered, I started counting, and I counted until I got confused, there were too many and I couldn’t finish. I couldn’t watch the dawn either, the sun’s rays would have melted me too easily and I wouldn’t be resurrected. I would not have endured too much love from Him after crossing the ocean of darkness alone. If he had helped me get out of the depths faster and been with me when I needed support, a cane put in time under the hand of an old man, I would have dared to cross the world treading on the rays but now his light feels like it’s melting me. When I think about him, I feel like sinking deeper into the darkness, however, I decided to find him. Somewhere in this world, it exists, but when I died I reached the depths of darkness. Maybe he’s laughing at me now, or maybe he’s the one who extended that ray that I refused. I was a simple poppy flower, but I withered because his light was too strong for my soft petals. Now he shines and doesn’t know what is to wither and will never remember me, one small bud in this ocean of life. I was determined to go out from the darkness and when it was windy, I was a speck of dust lost in the Universe, but when it calmed down, I was caught in a cloud that carried me through the sky. He saw me and turned the air into raindrops, and with me, he ran to the ground. Was it rain or tears? I don’t know, but he hugged me and placed me on a blade of green grass. From here I flowed into the depths of the earth, and after I wept days and nights on a grain of life, my tears dripping incessantly awoke the grain, and here I was, a beautiful rose. I rose for him and in gratitude he let me choose a part in his garden and I chose the be closer to him, but after it shone it withered me and burnt my petals and I reached the ground again. No matter how high I get from where I left, I come back, and only when I sink with my life of blue tears in the dense darkness, I understand the true meaning of this life. A whole life – you rise and then you fall, you collapse; you shine then you go out; you smile, you love and you will sigh and cry, collapsing with no traceback.

“I have noticed that even those who assert that everything is predestined and that we can change nothing about it still look both ways before they cross the street.”

― Stephen Hawking

Love is an unstable thing, which lifts you up and buries you in the dark, makes you the center of the Universe, and in the next second puts you in a grave and everyone has forgotten you. Maybe what I was looking for was always with me, but I haven’t seen him, believing me too important to pay attention to a dandelion flake, I, a rose from the court of the Sun. I just wanted to please his rays and I didn’t look around; but the Sun was cruel and then he looked at me once, he broke me and put me on his chest. At that moment I thought that all my dreams had come true, but soon I began to wither because he did not give me the life I coveted. I withered, and he, the great Sun, threw me and put in my place another young and beautiful rose that he did not know would wither too. When he threw me, I came across that dandelion flake that I had not seen but that I needed so much to be able to rise again. His pure and good soul helped me and I managed to reach the top again. – “Hold tight beautiful soul, the journey is only about to start, and no winds are too strong, and no rains are too heavy, because together we are stronger, and the darkness cannot hide the beauty that shines from within.”

“It’s possible to go on, no matter how impossible it seems.”

― Nicholas Sparks

I welcome you to follow the tale of that young lady who understood that life on Earth is not easy and many times we end up on the bottom of our souls, gathering blue tears of despair. However, there is hope for those who believe in miracles, and she continues her journey with strength and gratitude each day…


….continue reading the rest of the tale in PART 55


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