I got ready and I prepared ahead for the most important events of my life. I took my time to choose the school I wanted to study, the job that was going to fit my personality, my future partner, and all the other details of my life. I was waiting for the perfect time when I could launch my projects, for the days when I could celebrate the victory after a long run. I was focused on getting things straight and I put all of my time and energy into my goals and dreams. But was I ready to fail and lose everything in one moment? Was I prepared to start over my life in a different country, with different people, and in a different state of mind? Where was that environment that taught me how to get up when I fall? Where were those supportive people around me to be there when I barely had the energy to make it through the day? I was encouraged to move forward and to forget what made me uncomfortable, but was I ready to change everything I knew in life?

“Waiting for ‘real life’ to begin when you’re ‘ready’ means you’ll never be ready for real life because real life never happens when you’re ready.⁣⁣”

― Richie Norton

I met people that I thought would be in my life for a long time and I invested my time and feelings in them, sometimes too naive to believe that the same people I loved could disappoint me the most. I added to my dream board many ideas I wanted to achieve, and I imagined the day when I would celebrate them. But where were the lessons to teach me how to behave after a great deception, an illness, or a loss? I was selfish and I did not care for those around me when probably they needed me the most too. They had problems too, but I wasn’t walking on a solid foundation, and anytime life could give me a lesson and put me in a challenging situation. Was I ready to disappoint them? One day I had a family around, I had all my dreams in my pocket, and the next day I found myself naked in front of my fears. I never wished to fail, and I tried to feed my consciousness positive thoughts, but sometimes these changes had to happen. I was never prepared to lose, fail, or suffer, but it happened regardless, and in these cases, what was I doing? Nobody was prepared to lose a dear one, face war, or become ill, but these things happened, and I was too small to change them. Even for the best events in my life, I was not truly prepared and sharing a home with someone else, their habits, and their ways of being day by day could be challenging. I was not ready either to share my body when bearing children yet was happening regardless of if I was ready or not. Important was not if I was ready, because I could never be prepared, but how I dealt with these changes in my life.

“Ready? It doesn’t matter. The world is changed by people who aren’t ready.”

― Richie Norton

The most powerful solution to overcome a great deception in life stayed in my hands. I had those little seeds of hope that had everything necessary to thrive between my covers and the resources to bloom and grow again. Some seeds were dormant for a very long time until the conditions became favorable and triggered the changes from outside. These signals as small as a sunrise or the moonlight activated a small seed that started a new life. The resources were inside of me, and the most powerful was my mind. When I could change my perspective and state of mind, I could also find the courage and determination to move forward. But I was feeding my mind random thoughts, good and bad without distinction. My subconscious couldn’t have a sense of humor and acted accordingly, that’s why was so hard to start moving those wheels, when there was a push and pull between what could help me and what was destroying me. Slower or faster, once I started to change my ideas an avalanche of emotions came tumbling and it was overwhelming. There were too many, too hard to understand, too heavy to carry all day long. It was a process, and not an easy one, but finally, I was able to silence my thoughts for a few minutes every day, in time with practice and patience, all the negativities would start passing by like clouds in the sky, like wind through my hair and moved on, living just a cold chill behind. Meditation, prayers, or anything that helped silence my mind was valuable tools that I used in the process and the fights I had with myself. In time I discovered that I could silence my thoughts and I could make room for things that brighten up my days because a busy and cloudy mind couldn’t see behind the horizon. Nature was a great healer also, and a simple walk in a garden with colorful flowers, the power of the ocean that sent to the shore foamy waves, or maybe the sun that warmed my frozen soul. Was a long and painful process kept in isolation and a journey that I took alone. Only after I got the equilibrium back, I could try again from a different state of mind. Was I ready for that? Probably still not but I would never be ready unless I would try and learn something from my past experiences. Walking with fear and caution, but not stopping was a better way of living than never trying. I would never be ready again like I was when I didn’t know what disappointment or illness was. I was still the best version of myself because as a small seed, I pushed through dirt, and I was able to face the sun once again, deepening the roots that would make me stronger than ever and more powerful than I ever knew I was ready to be.

“We’ll never be ready. So I guess that means we’re as ready as we’ll ever be.”

― Neal Shusterman

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