We are left in this life on Earth to deal with our own insecurities, and when things go wrong, we assume is just bad luck. How about instead of blaming the Universe, God, the parents, or the neighbors, to assume our own mistakes and to make them fit into a capsule; a capsule of time, or a tablet that gets swollen with cold water on an empty stomach. We are taking everything that comes on our way straight in our chest battling these unwinning wars, when in fact we should take a day at the time and use the grinding machine to get the struggles smaller and the heavy burdens cracked in pieces. We heard many times the story of the jar filled with stones, pebbles, sand, and water, and we refer to that example to realize that there is always room for something in our lives. We are stuck with sharp stones and the important things to do daily that we forget how to respond to the small events from our lives, to laugh, to cry, and to enjoy every time that passes. The sand is not just dust, but our struggles and burdens that we were able to grind them, and from an uncomfortable piece, we make soft sand to hold it in our palm without getting harmed or hurt. As long as we are able to transform what makes us feel uncomfortable, we will not leave ourselves to end up in despair, even if one day we mourn, another day we weep, and after that suddenly we break and violently return to pieces. The daily grinding is only a way for us to thrive, when breaking into small pieces we are able to transform and travel across the world, where days are warmer and nights are getting peaceful.

“Only in drama does it end with the tragedy; in life it grinds on. Moanday, tearsday, happy days, right through to Shatterdays. And Again.”

― Gayla Reid

We are left with no choices, but to grind, and while others are sleeping and party, our world gets a different shape and transformed values. We replace the loud beat with soft cello tunes and our heels with fluffy sleepers while peeking our eyes in books and courses, that long ago replaced the parties. We create a parallel world with everything that we knew before, with a different layout, and radical changes in times, days remain days, while nights are just extra hours added to our goals. The next morning, things start over pretending that nothing happened, like teenagers sneaking on the window before dawn, pretended they slept the whole night before are getting ready for a new day of school. We are passing through this life with so many regrets, dreams, and mistakes, that we are wondering if we could ever get forgiveness and understanding. However, we are here to experience and to try to live one more day, one more time, and to get another chance no matter the consequences. There is not a perfect solution to do great work, and even though some days are draining and others frightening, we cannot put the swords down and give up. When we are in the middle of the battle, no hunger or fear would be sensed, and we are caught in a vortex that spins our whole being. We are not looking for clarity and explanations, but for a chance to stop the struggles and to take another look around, for what is most important and what else could be dropped and left behind.

“Doing great work is a struggle. It’s draining, it’s demoralizing, it’s frightening – not always, but it can feel that way when we’re deep in the middle of it.”

― Ryan Holiday

We stop just to refill the grinder, and we are never able to turn it off because there are so many things to get done every day. We forget about days of rest, the times when nothing was so heavy, and we continue running barefoot on cold ice. We don’t have to imagine a different world because we are always caught in the one where we cannot fit more than we already have filled our hands with. We are losing hope and in this dispair, we are getting farther away from others, locking ourselves in the darkest place of the soul, where nothing leaves or comes. We are trapped in that world that we always wished would be just temporary, to realize later on that time is never recovered and everything we wished is pushed behind the daily tasks. We are smiling only with our mind eyes when no one sees so we don’t look suspicious for curious people, which could interfere with our thoughts. Everything we create around us is looking dull from the outside and is seen so small from the intensity of our soul because we could manage to create from all those rocks we grind, solid walls of sand and tears. The blend created is stronger than steel, the bond formed has the highest attractions, with the positive thoughts and the negative environment. There is always a fight between these forces that keep them together with an undestructive force, never been able to take apart or to create a stronger bond. Between these worlds is just an empty space, hard to fill and impossible to replace with dreams and hope. The separation created will always remain steady and nothing can break the distance. No one can understand that steady space between our worlds. Critique eyes can only speculate but never realize what is behind those shiny eyes and sad smiles, that’s why is always better to keep our chins up and “nolite te bastardes carborundorum”.

“Take a leap of faith on your dreams, not for me and not for the society, just for yourself.”

― Vinay Garg


….continue reading the rest of the tale in PART 64


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