We have been told to stand up for ourselves; only that would bring us the truth. We have been told to be silent because there is no harm, words or actions to be turned back to ourselves. However, there is more to lose when we speak our hearts than staying silent. It might be growing slowly disappointment in our souls when an opportunity is lost, yet speaking our own hearts can be more harmful. We take the risk to get exposed with an open heart, to be vulnerable with empty hands and there is nothing to protect us. We reveal our true intentions and what is followed is just silence. Not a single word was said back to make us understand whether we were right or wrong. Yet, how could we ever leave someone without a chance to try? From so much strength and ecstasy, in front of a silent response is like the dot at the end of a complex sentence. A dot that brings silence, that doesn’t expect us to continue, as a closed door slammed into our face. We are acting for our lives as a full orchestra on the stage, that creates a complex melody but leaves space for solos too, and at the end gets silent. Some instruments need support to play their tunes, but we are encouraged to stand up on our own, with very little assistance. The cello needs a rest for the spike, and we need a place to rest as well when we are not able to stand up, anchor in our truth, and be silent. When curtains go down, and lights switch off, do we have to build our own pedestal and plead for our honesty or to leave our truth to slowly grow up cancer and build up walls to hide inside?
“Staying silent is like a slow growing cancer to the soul and a trait of a true coward. There is nothing intelligent about not standing up for yourself. You may not win every battle. However, everyone will at least know what you stood for—YOU.”
― Shannon L. Alder
We are living tangled in strings, and either we choose to let others handle them or break free and play them ourselves. We dream to escape from others’ puppet strings, and we act like we are in control of our lives, when in fact we are attached and twisted. We behave well and we keep former expectations because we act on the life stage as we’re taught. We follow rules, we leave behind our expectations because a rebel act is seen as misbehaving. We are attached to people that want us around, we are tangled in our minds and conflicted with our emotions, and we are not able to leave and get loose. All we do is go silent and close ourselves, drowning in false addictions, and creating imaginary lives. A life where everything is possible, where we are not forced to act based on others’ rules. When we are silent we often want to be alone and to scroll back in our memories of what brought us there. We often return our minds to memories that made us happy, that brought us peace and were in the silence we were not alone. The silence was only made to leave the other one speaking, to leave the day that finished to restart, to leave the rain and clouds to pass, and to see the light and sun again. The silence prepares us for new adventures, but when we are alone silence is pulling in the darkness of our soul, and there is no hope or expectations that after that another day is coming.
“For now she need not think of anybody. She could be herself, by herself. And that was what now she often felt the need of – to think; well not even to think. To be silent; to be alone. All the being and the doing, expansive, glittering, vocal, evaporated; and one shrunk, with a sense of solemnity, to being oneself, a wedge-shaped core of darkness, something invisible to others… and this self having shed its attachments was free for the strangest adventures.”
― Virginia Woolf
We are moderating our own concert named “Life”, and no matter how many spectators are in the room, the show must go on. Sometimes we are acting in front of a wide audience, and other times in an empty room, and it is so amazing the strength that needs to keep on going when no one’s listening, but ourselves. We are like string instruments, that increase the values over time, only if they continue playing and are maintained in perfect conditions. A cello, a viola, or a bass are all put together from pieces, handled with care, and appreciated for their true value. However, we are just mortal humans that not always benefit from the best conditions in life. We are undervalued, broken, and pushed back in shadows to dim our light and drown in our own tears. It takes so much strength to keep ourselves together and to play life’s song when our strings are weak and the bow is broken. Yet, with every piece left of ourselves, we get back on the stage, and we stretch and hold on to our strings until they cut into flesh and pluck them with our fingertips to make them sound again like music. A violin would sound just perfect as long as is tuned, and the same as our soul would continue playing harmonic tones as long as is it kept hollow and emptied from all the burdens. We need to leave everything to go if we want to resonate with the perfect pitch and we should learn that being empty or left in silence is not a curse, but a blessing. We should learn from the new moon how to grow fuller after getting thinner as a thread. We should learn from an empty barrel that goes down in unknown darkness and returns with refreshing water. We should learn to let go of everything before we can play successfully on our stage, no matter how big is the audience or how much hurt was left behind. No one cares how many hours were spent practicing and how many times our strings were replaced and tuned. On the stage, the audience judges based on the present performance, and there is no other chance to show ourselves; one time, one play, one destiny before the curtains fall back and we are getting back in silence.
“I said nothing for a time, just ran my fingertips along the edge of the human-shaped emptiness that had been left inside me.”
― Haruki Murakami
We are living our lives like a sinusoidal graph, where everything is getting us back to the starting point. This life keeps us in a defined period and amplitude, like a predictable rollercoaster that goes up and down forever. Whether is music, life, or just a graph, we need a pause, and we must understand that what makes music beautiful, is the silence between the notes. We can’t keep anything in tension forever, as we get tired of forcing ourselves to stay in tune. We cannot let ourselves fall into the unknown without overcoming obstacles that make us rise from ashes. We fall so many times because we get so many other changes to start over. We get a chance back every time we lost another one because we are not losing but gaining so much in this life with every new experience that is given back to us. When we keep silent is because we leave someone else to speak, and if we can’t understand that silence is what makes possible the words then we are not worth having either music, poetry, love, or this life.
“He who does not understand your silence will probably not understand your words.”
― Elbert Hubbard
I welcome you to follow the tale of that young lady who understood that life on Earth is better when we can relate our life events with the music tunes and follow the vibe and the beauty of harmonic silence …
….continue reading the rest of the tale in PART 60