We’ve been warned, that love creates addiction, but we never believed that is real until was happening to us. When we don’t understand that only when we allow it, it becomes an obsession, we found ourselves trapped in our thoughts. The line between addiction and additions is a fine one, thinner than a spider silk thread, and we can easily fall in the wrong direction. We crave and we wish for something and is perfectly normal, humans have flaws and sometimes are driven more by emotions, but the problem is only when we try to force something to happen for our own ego. When things and people are meant to stay in our lives, we don’t need to do more than embracing and mirroring the beauty that is shared. But many times, we found ourselves unbalanced, in a place where we are left alone, with all that love in our hands, with no place to put it. We have so much to give and share, and there is nothing more to do than let it all waste it because we can’t fit in anybody’s pockets. The hope is attached from an addict and makes the road feeling less bumpy, because blinded by the unknown and driven by passion, we find ourselves heading in a direction where we feel we are going to find the truth. We can’t see anybody else, we don’t believe there is something better and everything we have is just a false memory because the heart is the captain of the ship, and we can only hold tight when it seems to never stop. The heartache, the intuition, and the determination make a mortal human look out of his mind when is following the heart enslaved for love. We don’t deal with fear, cold, or hate when the heart is leading down the road, and in the very few lucid moments when we can breathe without losing our balance, we realize that there is something in all of it that keeps the spark alive but pushes away everything else. We found ourselves with fewer friends around because a life driven by a mad heart can be seen by skeptics as a weak character, and rather blindly believe in random diseases and disasters than love, which doesn’t really make sense. Addiction in love keeps us alive in front of any obstacle because only being a fool you can go through a life challenged by disasters and diseases feeling like you can win a marathon when you are choking in your own breath.

“I admire addicts. In a world where everybody is waiting for some blind, random disaster or some sudden disease, the addict has the comfort of knowing what will most likely wait for him down the road. He’s taken some control over his ultimate fate, and his addiction keeps the cause of his death from being a total surprise.”

― Chuck Palahniuk

When we can answer first where are we going, and after to decide who will we take with us on the journey, it can only make it all worth it. The destination is ours, with all the dreams and wishes we could ask for, but the company would be always a choice. We can decide from various aspects, and many of them make sense for a certain period of time, maybe there was a lesson to have, or was just a reminder that we need to change direction. We are heading to our destination, and we are focused to made it to the end, that we forget the meaning of the journey, which is more important. We are taken our life trip and consciously we try to stick on our tracks because we don’t want to get ourselves lost in unknown places. Only when we leave the control we find the most fascinating places and slowly we become addicted to all these and breaking the standards becomes a new challenge to look for every day. We feel free when we try new opportunities, and never afraid to jump from one wagon to another because life always has the responsibility to get us back on the tracks, but being rebellious sometimes is worth all the troubles that might bring our disobedience.

“There are two questions a man must ask himself: The first is ‘Where am I going?’ and the second is ‘Who will go with me?’

If you ever get these questions in the wrong order you are in trouble.”
― Sam Keen

We need to focus to get things done correctly that we almost forget that what we really need is only what we have to add to make it perfect. We seek the help of others to help us deal with our own problems, and we find disappointed and falling into addictions when in fact the only one who can help us, is us. We want to have a cake, and we expect all the ones around to help us because love is seen as a need, when in fact we should work alone to do it, and all we need is the addition, the cherry from the top. The only pieces missing, should be so small that only sharp eyes would notice the difference. The addition to what we already built, that we already healed and learned from every wrong path we took, is what this love is all about. When we are not capable of self-love and we don’t trust our own powers we can mistake it with addictions. We just drop the hope and pick up the glass with two ice cubes and the strong beverage that makes us think that if we ignore the feeling every night, one day will disappear. We hide our feelings behind the mask, we put the fake smile in the morning and pretend one more day that everything is over, only to face the night with the same habits, and the empty glass that waits for us to fill it once again. Facing the truth and leaving behind patterns and the ego, can also leave behind our old addictions and embrace a new way of leading our lives, where things are added as a bonus, and not living only for the extra love that we can get from others, as a treat for good behavior. We cannot change people and everything needs to come from inside, and all the words unspoken, and all the love remained, would just pile up, until one day when we light a cigarette from them, that would leave no traces behind.

“There’s so much I should say, so many things I should tell him, but in the end, I tell him nothing.

I cut a line and my losses, and I light a cigarette.”
― Clint Catalyst

I welcome you to follow the tale of that young lady who learned to learn the difference between addiction and additions in love and to leave behind what doesn’t work as continued the journey in this life on Earth.


….continue reading the rest of the tale in PART 50


1 Comment

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