“I am not what I ought to be, I am not what I want to be, I am not what I hope to be in another world, but still I am not what I once used to be, and by the grace of God I am what I am”

― John Newton

I was a tear that drops on the ground and followed the long journey to the warm waters, rivers, seas, and all the way to the oceans waters. Today I am an ocean. I am calm and peaceful and I am the biggest storm you have ever seen. I am kind enough to let you float on my waves, and I am nervous as it gets when you disturb my silence. I am raising the ocean level closer for you to reach it, and I am taking it back if I sense a lack of intention on empty nights. Today I am not even what I dreamed to be, and since that moment too much time passed that I don’t even remember what I wished in the first place. What I want to be is probably already too late and not even worth the effort. Across the ocean, far away from familiar lands, I am not what I hoped to be in another world. Yet, everything I was yesterday I don’t recognize anymore, like everything was washed away, in a sweet and pure baptism that cleaned the old me and brought a clean glass of water for a new beginning. I am regardless of the place I am living, the people I have around, the achievements, or the disappointment. I am what I am today, and what you see is all I am. Anyway, when we make observations we use biases so whatever you see is far from my responsibility. Also, your interpretation is based on your observation so that still brings a lot of bias. I am the ocean, but as far you can see and as deep you can get is how much you can discover about me. You want to breathe fresh air and see only the beauty from the top surface than is what you are going to get. You have the courage to get deeper into the dark areas from my soul you might need to hold your breath for that journey and to be prepared with a lot of oxygen supply. You want to get on an adventure with me, then buckle up, the ocean waves are higher than expected and small mistakes can flip you over the board. I am an ocean and I feel free.

“Developing the ability to set forth into the world knowing I am ENOUGH, is all I need to live a Healthy, Happy, and FREE Lifestyle that I love because I am enough.”

― Nick Catricala

I am enough. I don’t have everything I wished and I didn’t achieve all my dreams, but I have enough to make me be in peace. More than we can eat, more than we can wear and more than we can carry is a heavy load and a responsibility that brings disturbance. I am layers of sediments that added in all these years that I had. Each layer has a story, each of them brings a little more from me that you could never unveil without good intentions and some effort. The superficial top is made from my recent decisions and from all the stories that people around me already are aware of. The deeper you get to more you will understand what makes today to say and act the way I do. Some scientist use the present observations to project the past experiences, but with me is working opposite, you’ll need to figure out the history of my past in order to understand my actions from the present.

“I am not what you see.

I am what time and effort and interaction slowly unveil.”

― Richelle E. Goodrich

I am not only what you see and that is just the image that would be on the cover. I am not a book to sit and read, but a challenging mystery box. I give you clues, I give you some hints and few keys and I let you try to figure out. You can only open one door at a time and only after you solved the mystery from that room you can try to move to the next one and try a new key. The game is simple, but if you decide you give up before the game is done you are on your own to find the exit, as I don’t provide any guidance in that case. You need more time to solve one room, have as much you need and if you ask for help I will always be there to help you. Time, interaction, and effort is what makes slowly unveil surfaces that cover my story and me. It’s a fun game only if you dare to start it.

I’m tired of defending my character. I am what I am. What you see is what you get.” – Dana Plato

I am scared and I am not even trying to hide it anymore. I am hurt, and sad and I will not pretend that everything is well. But I am tired to defend my character and please whoever seems to think that has any rights to interfere. I am more than I was judged, I am more that was admitted, I am more than would even be acknowledged. If I would have to stop for everyone to convince them that I am more than a name or a picture I would lose precious moments. I am alone, but I am not lonely anymore because I found a company in everything that brought me to life when everything seemed over. I am sad, but only for a while until I find a new way to see the same thing that made me feel terrible in a new light. I am cold, but only the weather makes me like that because beautiful things around me warm my life and my soul every day. I am what I am, like it or leave it, is only about acceptance and is regardless of our selfish attitude. If we want someone we accept it the way they are without trying to change it, otherwise, one would rise and shine and the other one would slowly die inside their broken soul.

I welcome you to follow the tale of that young lady that she found her true wishes without lying anymore that she needs someone to make her happy when everything around was just made to last a moment and what she had all the time was only herself…


….continue reading the rest of the tale in PART 34



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