“I’m tired and angry at me. For letting myself get smaller and smaller in the hopes that he would notice me more. But how can someone notice you if you keep getting smaller?”

― Kathleen Glasgow, Girl in Pieces

Days don’t have only the light and darkness, but periods of time where we fit in. We have the reality during the daytime when everything humanly possible happens with all the struggles and issues. Late evenings follow with some time where we start to gather thoughts, solve problems, do homework and the surrounding gets quieter with the lights dimming. Late nights, my favorite, when is the time for prayers, meditation, creativity, fantasies, and with the moon, the only witness. The last part of our days includes some sleep, and that’s the only time we can’t control and we abandon in his arms, leaving everything behind for another day or more. The mornings remind us of how tired we are and all those feelings of disappointment, pressure on the shoulders and low motivation are back to light. We are tired to fight against everyone and feeling tired in this endless mood during the day is a cycle that brings us back to the starting point of exhaustion over and over again. It is like boiling water that puts a lot of effort to evaporate, and then someone puts the lid back on and everything condenses and gets back to step one. Shortly we become transparent because life is only a short trip from work to home, which doesn’t leave much time for anything else. Why we put so much effort into things that don’t take us anywhere, and how many times is too much to try something that didn’t work yet? I will think about that another day, today I am too tired, but I have some other goals.

“Sometimes exhaustion is not a result of too much time spent on something, but of knowing that in its place, no time is spent on something else.”

― Joyce Rachelle

When we only do what gives us pleasure makes everything come easy and follow a natural flow. Unfortunately, those are the moments that are only hunted, and never reached. We spend too much time on something that makes us exhausted, that is almost impossible to find the strength to enjoy the ones we like when it happens. Always are priorities in front of our pleasures, we can’t skip steps and duties and we can’t fall behind, as nothing waits for us. How can we read those books and watch those movies when piles of dishes and laundry are waiting their turn? We don’t get tired from doing things but from doing the things that stop us from doing what we really want to. We wish to be home when we are at work, and vice-versa, we wish to sleep when we are awake and we wish to not sleep when we have more to accomplish. We never live in the present as we always look for anything else to be done. When is the right moment for everything and what can we change to have only what we like in our lives?

“The most critical time in any battle is not when I’m fatigued, it’s when I no longer care.”

― Craig D. Lounsbrough

We struggle to fulfill our wishes, we have dreams and we can’t give up so easily. We are fighting with our weaknesses, with people, and with ourselves. We look for motivation, encouragement, and positive examples around us to keep the battle active. We are tired but there is a feeling of accomplishment at the end of the day that powers us up for the next day. There is the piece of hope that boosts our body and sparks our mind, never leaves us, and always overdoing things for us. With that force, we are moving forward no matter how big are the struggles or how high are the waves. But are also the ones who are losing that force and who no longer care, where every day is the same for them and their life is just tap water in a plastic cup. What are you doing when you get tired of being tired all the time?

“I’m so tired I never want to wake up again. But I’ve figured out now that it was never them that made me feel that way. It was just me, all along.”

― Maggie Stiefvater, Forever

Whenever we are too sad and realize how tired we are, we put the swords down and sit on the old stump without any plans and dreams. I am not talking about the crossroads when you get stuck and cannot choose, but for the roads that end too soon when life is still ongoing. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it doesn’t even matter. Every possibility, with every route and every fight we had, brought us to a dead-end without further options. We end up tired at the end of our time, and we wish for one more moment to live happily. Looking for an emergency exit or just sitting disappointed with nowhere to go, we leave the heavy load from our shoulders and we ask: “What I could do differently in this life to not be always tired and to be more next to the people I loved, in the places that would be brought me peace and did only what I felt that made me happy?” We rush in time when we should stop more often to rest and look around, we spend more time in traffic than we do with our children, we forget to live the present and that makes us always tired. Let’s take a break and sleep earlier tonight, our road would end up soon before we even had a chance to enjoy the chances we have had.

“We all grow tired eventually; it happens to everyone. Even the sun, at the close of the year, is no longer a morning person.”

― Joyce Rachelle

I welcome you to follow the tale of that young lady who was always very tired but she had goals and dreams to accomplish. She found the strength and motivation in everything that brought her joy and she continued her life on Earth a little bit longer …

PART 36

….continue reading the rest of the tale in PART 37

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