“It’s not my responsibility to be beautiful. I’m not alive for that purpose. My existence is not about how desirable you find me.”

― Warsan Shire

We are so beautiful and our appearance is so pleasant for hungry eyes, but time is not waiting for our skin to glow, and the hair to be without shades of grey. We walked with pride in front of thirsty predators, that smelled fresh fragrance from a distance, and where we stepped were growing flowers beneath our feet. A smile could bring the light in the darkest souls and shiny eyes were full of spark and curiosity. We get attracted by the physical details, and we forget that we get older, and what is left is our character and memories. We turn and spin young souls but the more we advance in our path, the fewer stirrings we achieve. We have left just a wise mind, intuition, and some regrets, but before we got here, we were on a market trade, ascending for high values, expensive and luxury life, embracing everything that was bringing us just a temporary joy. We saw beauty on the surface, but dust covered the lust until became a foggy picture in a frame. We keep the memories we had when we were young and we forget to update the new version of ourselves. We forget to change the profile picture, and we keep the ones with perfect smiles as the front cover, hiding behind what was left from all the battles that wiped away every trace of perfection. We want the beautiful side of the apple, but before we get a chance to taste it, the other side is bruised, and the inside is rotten. Is just an apple that went through a lot more than can describe a label, and under the spotlights from the shelf cannot hide anymore the dark side of it. We want things and people perfect, but we forget that beauty doesn’t stay only on the surface, but in everything else that we are willing to discover and embrace no matter how wounded might have been.

“Do not fall in love with people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.”

― Caitlyn Siehl

Everything is beautiful in every beginning until we start scratching the surface and we unlock the demons hidden underneath. We collect moments, we visit places and we create memories, that later on would hunt our dreams and would keep us awake in many nights. We give love with every good intention, and we are willing to create a beautiful world for the ones we admire, but when we build it for someone else is a subjective process. We give what we have based on our beliefs and ideal quotations, but we are so different, and we receive in a personal way everything offered. We don’t know if what we offer is received with the same enthusiasm as is offered, and even when we give beautiful roses, someone just gets hurt in the thorns. We unfold life the way we see, but sometimes, we see different shades of the same colors, or our vision is blurry from our tears, and can’t distinguish between good and bad. We try everything we think is going to bring happiness for sad souls, and we put every good intention in our manifestation, but closed arms can’t embrace what is coming towards them. We try until we can’t do it anymore, and the sandcastles we create are turned into the vortex of dust and the storms get a life. We leave behind everything that we could not change, with a bitter taste from all the effort, and with the regrets that would ever stay imprinted on the bathroom floor flooded by tears and disappointment.

“If you feel lost, disappointed, hesitant, or weak, return to yourself, to who you are, here and now and when you get there, you will discover yourself, like a lotus flower in full bloom, even in a muddy pond, beautiful and strong.”

― Masaru Emoto

We carry our scars with pride after so many battles, and weak and disappointed we return to ourselves, more damaged than we left. We carry our burdens, we build walls, and we close every access with blocks and armors. The deep wounds still bleeding, need time to heal, and days apart are necessary after every loss we felt. A time apart, grief followed by despair is only the necessary return we need to accomplish. In this separation, we often discover who we truly are and what are the beautiful aspects of us. We are scared and sad, laying on the floor with tears rolling from sad eyes, and everything that was once admired is forgotten in a darker room. We were left in pride and ego charge and we sell our soul for another chance only to experience a deeper disappointment. It is necessary a long journey of regrets and falls before we would realize that the beauty stays in our hands. With sad eyes, we still can admire the bright surrounding, and with the bare hand, we are able the mold a new blossom beginning. We are stronger after a fight, and we are beautiful after a transformation that can only trigger us to discover ourselves.

“It’s easy to look at people and make quick judgements about them, their present and their pasts, but you’d be amazed at the pain and tears a single smile hides. what a person shows to the world is only one tiny facet of the iceberg hidden from sight. And more often then not, it’s lined with cracks and scars that go all the way to the foundation of their soul.”

― Sherrilyn Kenyon

I welcome you to follow the tale of that young lady who understood that life is a beautiful place to live, and every battle that she lost made her stronger and thought her a lesson as she continues the journey in her life on Earth …


….continue reading the rest of the tale in PART 46

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