“…and then, I have nature and art and poetry, and if that is not enough, what is enough?”
― Vincent Willem van Gogh
Life is not precious or even present. Life is not about being happy or sad. Life is not about money or being poor. Life is not proving to your ego how good you really are because you don’t even exist. Life is not about family life, children, owning houses, or none of the above. Life is not sex or passion. Life is not about live, do your best, and die. Life on Earth is sick. Like a sick joke to the higher self. Is like putting your name down for a stupid game without realizing you’ll end up eating someone else’s guts.
Life happens more because you picked the small stick and the next second you had a choice of “experiencing” the feelings roller coaster ( like a bad commercial on the galaxy channel where it was selling life on Earth because no one really wanted to come here but they spent too much time on this project)
Life on Earth is a menu choice in a three star hotel kitchen where it doesn’t kill you but is not making you specifically gurmand either.
Life is like a waterfall effect, you being the little drop in the ocean so small and insignificant and no matter what you choose you still end up being the bad guy in someone else’s life, don’t dream of happy endings that are not really happening. It’s just a perception.
Life though is a clown effect where the happy people are miserable and sad people are already miserable. Children have the answer but we feed them crap and screams and life resolutions and by 6 they are indoctrinated by us who blame the media and online games.
Life though should be more about near misses games and rock paper scissors with queen karma so when this very well planned hell is ending you’re not brought back for some strings attached because in a boring afternoon you have done something you don’t even remember and then you have to start again.
Life? Emotions? Why bother? Is not like you are happy here on this plan if you follow the rules no-no-no. It gives your higher self a better understanding but why don’t we change the contract and put in really small letters or an appendix if we find what we are supposed to find and life is not helping why we can’t come back? from whatever we have come or wherever is the next station.
How can a small drop change the waterfall direction when life throws so much at you that you don’t even know exactly who you are anymore?
When the scream has no voice and stops somewhere between reality and desire
Then we understand life for a second.
Everything stops when the
vocal cords whistle through tears and sighs.
And the deed has no action.
We stop the desire and let everything flow by itself.
If we could stop this avalanche
We would be all supreme beings and
Oh sweet air that warms my heart
I would never feel.
And if this step could be skipped
I would have done it.
But the fire in my blood tells me to continue
Breathing and accepting this little conditioning
If I could I would cry out from all the reins
The fire in me
Would have done it
And maybe I would have been much further
Maybe in another reality
In another present
Where I would not be eternal between my worlds
And may be complete.
As water extinguishes the fire and yet without it
There will be no air
What a cruel world
You have to get down, to crawl to get up …
Up? Another undigested joke.
Repeat too much to try to understand it
And we swallow it undigested.
You should see me when try to encourage myself
Come on, You can still do one by one.
Energy evaporates and love disappears
And when I feel pink blend with black
And what emerges is the color of this present
A shit of all the beauty.
They work to live but when work does not feel like we live
and tears evaporate before they feel
and the fake pictures win in the false reality
The truth nobody says it again
nor does anyone look for it.
Often I think my truth is truer and more real
I wore your glasses I couldn’t see
As you swallow your cry
And let it consume you as a worm can eat everything indoors without a trace on the surface.
And somehow I just want to be the only one who feels so
Otherwise it would be sad sad
To know that somehow we all feel the same
But we are more concerned about the color of the skin or the race
Than the feelings that burn and the scream slowly extinguishes
As then we ran to the shop for the latest phone model.
I can no longer afford to pay for lost tears and smiles.
I want to live through bees’ buzzes and sunbeams that warm my soul.
Let me feel the love for me and the young grass under my toes
And when the sound that surrounds us will be at its lowest
Then the shout will regain its power.
- I want to kill myself.
- I want this life to end.
- I want this breath to be my last.
- I want this life to transcend.
(be me when depression hits)
“Suicide doesn’t end the chances of life getting worse, it eliminates the possibility of it ever getting any better.”